Working Hard, or Hardly Working?

I don't think there really is such a thing as working too hard. I might be saying this only because in my mind there's always something that I could be doing. I have this planner, you see, and everyday I write down everything I need to do. And that's all I do.

No matter how much I do I always think I could be doing more. You know? I sit down for 5 minutes to rest my head or respond to a couple of text messages and a little freak is screaming in the back of my head going "You know, that pretty girl in your math class who won't stop smiling? She's probably looking over her flashcards right now. She's studying for SATS and what are you doing? Telling one of your friends why you like Kirk better than Picard. You sicken me."

I'm not some sort of OCD freak. Really, I'm not. Compared to one of my friends I'm actually quite 'Chill'. However, I do have these mini panic attacks...anxiety attacks...freak episodes....call it what you want, I freak out.

Grades are not my life. They really aren't. Do I care? Yes. But if it were my choice I'd sit down on my couch and take a day or two out of a week to watch TV and movies. Or hey! How about this? Actually hang out with my friends-if they remember I still exist.

I'm starting to sound a bit petty, aren't I? Look, the point of this is just to say I think I'm overworking myself but does this mean I'm going to stop? No. I can't. Life doesn't stop because you want it to. And believe me when I say, I want it to. The little freak in my head won't have control my entire life. But until I figure out what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life, it'll keep nagging me to work harder. Do better. Be smarter. Study for just 10 more minutes.

I had a headache today. Wouldn't go away from the moment I woke up to me deciding to open up my laptop and write this. It wasn't a migraine, but it was one of those lazy in the afternoon feelings you get after a long day at school where all you want to do is sleep. I had that all day and I have no idea why.

I should go to sleep now. Whoever's reading this, if anyone is reading this, I bid you a goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the little freaks bite.