Working Hard, or Hardly Working?

I don't think there really is such a thing as working too hard. I might be saying this only because in my mind there's always something that I could be doing. I have this planner, you see, and everyday I write down everything I need to do. And that's all I do.

No matter how much I do I always think I could be doing more. You know? I sit down for 5 minutes to rest my head or respond to a couple of text messages and a little freak is screaming in the back of my head going "You know, that pretty girl in your math class who won't stop smiling? She's probably looking over her flashcards right now. She's studying for SATS and what are you doing? Telling one of your friends why you like Kirk better than Picard. You sicken me."

I'm not some sort of OCD freak. Really, I'm not. Compared to one of my friends I'm actually quite 'Chill'. However, I do have these mini panic attacks...anxiety attacks...freak episodes....call it what you want, I freak out.

Grades are not my life. They really aren't. Do I care? Yes. But if it were my choice I'd sit down on my couch and take a day or two out of a week to watch TV and movies. Or hey! How about this? Actually hang out with my friends-if they remember I still exist.

I'm starting to sound a bit petty, aren't I? Look, the point of this is just to say I think I'm overworking myself but does this mean I'm going to stop? No. I can't. Life doesn't stop because you want it to. And believe me when I say, I want it to. The little freak in my head won't have control my entire life. But until I figure out what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life, it'll keep nagging me to work harder. Do better. Be smarter. Study for just 10 more minutes.

I had a headache today. Wouldn't go away from the moment I woke up to me deciding to open up my laptop and write this. It wasn't a migraine, but it was one of those lazy in the afternoon feelings you get after a long day at school where all you want to do is sleep. I had that all day and I have no idea why.

I should go to sleep now. Whoever's reading this, if anyone is reading this, I bid you a goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the little freaks bite.

The Lunch Table

Once upon a time I would walk by our spot and I would see you all there one by one during lunch. We would squeeze into a table, and we would be happy. Then I started going to our spot and even though we no longer had a table, we would still be in the spot. That was all that really mattered to me. Then I would walk by the spot and she was gone because she would rather be with her boyfriend. They left because they would rather hang with their other friends. She moved away and some people just disappeared. Then she moved...and she transferred...she got a boyfriend and he had other places to go. And then they left. And today I walked by that spot...our spot...and I saw no one. And what did I do?

I walked past it, too. 

The Bluest Moon

So last night was a blue moon. In fact, it was the last blue moon until 2015. At first glance it was nothing really all that special. In fact, I had to explain to some of my friends yesterday what a blue moon even was because I guess not very many people know about it. To most people in the world, it was just another full moon.

But to me it wasn't. A blue moon is rare. And therefore should be appreciated.

I was staring up at it and the only thing that I could think about was the next time I'd see a blue moon. 2015 I'll be 19 years old. I'll be out of high school. And that's so strange to think about. The next time I lay my eyes on the second full moon of the month, I'll be a completely different person.

I'm sad not very many people appreciated the blue moon like I did. I mean, sure, it was just an average moon but to think that not even my science loving of a friend could appreciate how special it truly was.

Well,moon. You were special to me.